You Might Be A Redneck If..
There have been two or more failed repossession attempts on your car.
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
People come to your house to ask if they can hunt on your front lawn.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My Mind”.
Exxon offered you royalties for your hair.
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway to take a leak.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)
You are known for your homemade squash wine.
You refer to the duct tape on your car as “chrome”.
Your dog has fleas on the inside of its ears.
Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
You have scars on the back of your hand where Uncle Jeb stabbed you while you were reaching for the last piece of fried chicken.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You get mud on your tires when you visit your mom.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
Stealing road signs is a family outing.
You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your watchband is wider than any book you’ve ever read.
It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
You Might Be A Redneck If..
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You ever hit a deer with your car… on purpose
Your wife has ever had to ask you to move the car’s radiator so she could take a bath.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the word “howdy” in your answering machine message.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You buy a case or more of oil a month.
You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You have one or more rolled vehicles (running or not) in your possession.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Your sister’s education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant.
You Might Be A Redneck If..
Your name is Junior, Junior.
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.
You kill dinner two or more times a week.
Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
Anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.
Your two year old has more teeth than you do.
You ever put oil or anti-freeze in your truck in a K-mart parking lot.
After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
When Sears eliminated their catalog you were forced to start buying toilet paper.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places’
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Your idea of dressing up is putting on your other hat.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You celebrate groundhog day ’cause you believe in it.
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possesions.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
After the prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with empty beer bottles.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You Might Be A Redneck If..
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Anyone in your family died right after saying “Hey, Y’all watch this!”.
If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year,”
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You ever drove a truck into the creek just to see if it would float.
You have more tattoos than teeth.
You bring your dog to work with you.
There have been multiple attempts to repossess your appliances.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You know how many bales of hay your car holds.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You ever took a six pack to a job interview.
You can fart the first six notes of the Star Spangled Banner.
There are two or more unfilled warrants for your arrest.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You ever financed a tattoo.
You sit up all night with a sick dog, but make your wife stay up with a sick kid.
Your bike has a gun rack on it.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The family business needs a lookout.
You have to honk the horn to get the chickens out of the driveway when you come home.
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
There are enough empty beer cans in your truck that if you turned them all in, you could buy another six-pack.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You wrote in Richard Petty’s name on a presidential ballot.
You’ve been too drunk to fish.
Your truck stalled on the highway and you never went back for it.
You think re-booting your machine refers to kicking the truck tires the second time it won’t start.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
You’ve ever had to bum chewing tobacco from your wife.
You participate in the “who can spit tobacco the farthest contest”.
When you take your trash to the dump and you return home with more stuff than you left with.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You think the best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.
You ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You ever ate roadkill for dinner.
Your yard contains engine parts to more than one vehicle.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You ever hit a deer with your car… on purpose
Your wife has ever had to ask you to move the car’s radiator so she could take a bath.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the word “howdy” in your answering machine message.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You buy a case or more of oil a month.
You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You have one or more rolled vehicles (running or not) in your possession.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Your sister’s education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant.
