The Best Funny Redneck Jokes
15. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You 14. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me 13. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away? 12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well 11. I Still Miss You Baby, [...]
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Back in the woods, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon a [...]
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40. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen. 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t [...]
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BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.” JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.” MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him [...]
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BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods BAR CODE - Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps CHIP - Pasture muffins that [...]
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None of your shirts cover your stomach. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law. Your wife’s hairdo was [...]
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An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to [...]
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The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the “United States Redneck Special Forces”. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists: 1. The season opened today. 2. There [...]
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If you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…” If you ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. [...]
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