Here is a top collection of the best funny redneck jokes in the world, so if you’ve done any of these things you are most likely a true redneck and shouldn’t joke yourself! If you haven’t finished school or attended a university then you’re already close to being a redneck. Don’t worry though, if you can go through this checklist without agreeing to more than half of the best redneck jokes, then you are probably safe.

Your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign on the back.

If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you are shur ’nuff a redneck.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

More than half of your cars DON’T run.

Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

The primary color of your car is “bondo”.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Grandma and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn’t fork.

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You Might Be A Redneck If..

Your mother has gotten into a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You cash your checks at the local liquor store.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You only have pants with a boot cut.
You’ve been on TV more than five times describing what the tornado sounded like.
You painted racing flames on the John Deere.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
Yer mom calls ya over t’help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house.
Your richess relative invites you over to his new home to help remove the wheels and install the skirt.
You ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You call your sister, “Dear.”
Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
Your car has been towed more than twice as an abandoned vehicle.
You’re moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.
Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.
You’ve painted a car with house paint.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You walk your dog and you both use the same tree down on the corner.
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
There is a stuffed ‘possum anywhere in your house.
Your mama can back down a biker.
During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.
You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.

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You Might Be A Redneck If..

You bought a VCR/DVR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
You’re afraid to wash your car because it may stop running.
You’ve had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
Someone asks to see your marriage license, and you have to dig through the floorboard of your GTO.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had daycare.
All the back pockets in your pants have circular holes.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

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You Might Be A Redneck If..

Your favorite christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.
You have two or more sets of bald tires.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job: primer red and primer gray.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Your truck has a new sunroof because the shotgun fell off the rack when you slammed the door.
On sunday’s people stop by to ask if you’re having a yard sale and you’re not.
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.
Someone asks, “where’s your bowling bag?” and you answer, “she’s at home with the kids.”
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You call your boss “Buddy”, on a regular basis.
You wear your ball cap when you eat in a restaurant.
You think the best beer is brewed in Milwaukee.
In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
The primary color of your car is “bondo”.
Your father fully executes the “pull my finger” gag during Christmas dinner.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

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You Might Be A Redneck If..

There have been two or more failed repossession attempts on your car.
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
People come to your house to ask if they can hunt on your front lawn.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My Mind”.
Exxon offered you royalties for your hair.
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway to take a leak.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)
You are known for your homemade squash wine.
You refer to the duct tape on your car as “chrome”.
Your dog has fleas on the inside of its ears.
Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
You have scars on the back of your hand where Uncle Jeb stabbed you while you were reaching for the last piece of fried chicken.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You get mud on your tires when you visit your mom.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
Stealing road signs is a family outing.
You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your watchband is wider than any book you’ve ever read.
It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.

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You Might Be A Redneck If..

You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You ever hit a deer with your car… on purpose
Your wife has ever had to ask you to move the car’s radiator so she could take a bath.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the word “howdy” in your answering machine message.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You buy a case or more of oil a month.
You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You have one or more rolled vehicles (running or not) in your possession.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Your sister’s education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant.

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A Redneck Christmas Poem

December 2, 2012

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer Not a creature was stirrin’ ‘cept a redneck named Taylor. His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle, And a-runnin’ down his chin was a trickle of spittle. His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care, And therefore there was a foul […]

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